Puja Pujara on raising a child in a cricket family, and her parenting teamwork with Cheteshwar

She wears the ‘cricketer’s wife’ label with pride. Puja Pujara , Gujarat-born MBA graduate was manager at a multinational and knew nothing about cricket when she married Test cricketer Cheteshwar Pujara in 2013. She decided to put her own ambitions
on hold for a while to travel with her husband on his overseas tours. Pujara, who recently turned author and entrepreneur,
spoke to Neha Bhayana about teaching herself cricket, and how the couple try to work at their parenting game

You went from knowing nothing about cricket to being your husband’s biggest cheerleader and being well-versed in the nuances of the game. Tell us about your journey and what inspired you to share it via your book ‘The Diary of a Cricketer’s Wife’?

I’ve always been a curious person. I started following cricket because I felt if I am going to travel with Cheteshwar and move across stadiums and cities, I should understand what is really going on rather than just being a cheerleader. My father-in-law ( Arvind Pujara ) is an ex-cricketer and conversations in our household revolved around cricket, so I wanted to be able to share my thoughts. And, once you start following cricket, you realise that it is a very interesting sport and you want to pursue it further.
The book happened because of my passion for writing, growing knowledge of cricket and my journals — I used to journal daily and have a decent memory. In 2022, my husband suggested I channelise all my years of journaling and write a book. He said: “You remember my career much better than even I remember it.” I also wrote because I wanted to share my husband’s story. I was really inspired by his journey because they’ve started from zero…there was a whole learning curve.

You have mentioned that you were an ambitious girl. What prompted you to give up your corporate career when you got married? Did you ever worry about being labelled as just a cricketer’s wife?

It did not bother me because it was a well-thought, consciously taken decision. So, I had no regrets, but I did miss work sometimes. You are not travelling or doing something all the time so there were phases that were boring for me. When you have worked in a corporate job, you tend to keep yourself busy all the time. So, I did not really know what to do with my spare time. But eventually, I got used to it. I come from a business family, so my parents always suggested I do something myself. So yeah, there was a mix of bittersweet moments. And like I mentioned in the book, Cheteshwar and I had an arranged marriage. I felt we needed to spend some time together to get to know each other and strengthen our bond. Besides, I know that a cricketer’s career is only till he’s 40 at most. So, it was kind of an unsaid thing that you are going to take the centre stage when my time is over on the cricket field. My husband was very particular about this. And it just felt more organic and right to do it at the time.

Tell us about your seven-year-old daughter Aditi . Is she a mamma’s baby or papa’s pet?

She is a mamma’s baby all the way. In fact, for the longest time, she felt her father just plays and he just has fun because we would say “Your dad has gone to play a series.” As a three- or four-year-old, she would idolise me because she thought only her mother was running around doing all these chores and meetings while her dad played. She’s always been a mamma’s girl, but that does not mean she has any less of a bond with her dad.

What’s it like to be a cricket wife?

So, it is certainly not like what comes across. I would say that it comes with its own set of commitments and challenges because of the calendar that they follow. They are away when they are playing and even when they are not playing, they have to focus on their fitness, training, recovery and rehab. It is a demanding career, and the entire family is involved. Everybody is trying to do the right thing, trying to help and contribute in whatever way they can.

What’s it like to raise a child in a cricket family? It must be challenging to manage by yourself, especially as your husband would often be away playing county cricket in England.

At times, you do feel like you are on your own, especially when someone is unwell or when your child reaches a major milestone. For so many milestones, Cheteshwar is not present. We try to travel as much as we can with him, but there are times when we cannot and that’s when I wish he was around. But I also understand that this is the priority and that he is representing his country. I always feel parenting is like a 50:50 thing. It’s just that, someday, somebody has to contribute more. But the good thing with Cheteshwar is that when he is home, he is completely available for her. He does school drop-offs, plays with Aditi and puts her to bed. That gives me a lot of happiness. When he is not working, he will just cancel everything and spend time with her and just do nothing with her.

Does Aditi miss him when he is away?

Yes, she does. In fact, recently when she had a student-led conference and a parent-teacher meeting, she asked her teacher if she could do it a day later as her dad would be back by then. The teacher was so kind, she obliged, and we both ended up attending. Thanks to technology, we manage to stay in touch always no matter in which part of the world Cheteshwar is. Aditi makes sure we have a quick call with him for a few minutes in the evening or before going to bed. We don’t force her to chat but it comes naturally to her, and she says, “Let’s call dada.”

What do the two of them like to do when they are together? Does she enjoy playing cricket?

No, she is a completely creative person and prefers art-craft activities or building blocks. Sometimes, Cheteshwar and she just indulge in pretend play. He follows whatever whimsical idea she has. He just follows her lead as long as there are no safety concerns.

Who’s the stricter parent?

That’s definitely me. Mostly, I’m the one who is disciplining Aditi because I spend some more time with her than he does. But the good thing with us is that we are a unit. We always maintain a united front, irrespective of who is disciplining her. So, if I’m disciplining her, she is not going to get leeway even if her dad is around…he won’t say let’s just excuse her for today. We pretty much share our thought process, values and ideals. That helps.

What’s the most challenging aspect of motherhood and what’s the most rewarding one?

The most challenging part of being a mother is that we are so focused on our children’s health and well-being that we tend to ignore our own physical and emotional health. What’s worse is that when we do try to look after ourselves, we face a lot of mom-guilt. The most rewarding part is just waking up to that innocent smile and the cuddles you share before going to bed and early in the morning.

Cheteshwar is considered the ‘meditative monk of Indian cricket’ because of his calm demeanour and grit while facing hostile bowling on lively overseas pitches. Is he that patient as a parent too?

He is not just patient; he is very wise and calm too. He is happy to be the observer, especially when it comes to Aditi. He will help Aditi only when needed and he wouldn’t want to help her out too quickly or solve problems for her too quickly.

So, he’s not one of those overindulgent dads who will get down and tie his little princess’ shoelaces?

Yes, he’s not. In fact, she had expressed the desire for ‘big girl shoes’ just a few months ago. So, we got a pair for her and taught her how to tie laces a couple of times. Even if we are getting late to go somewhere, we try to be patient knowing that she needs to take her time. Sometimes, if she has not done it correctly, the lace gets undone in five minutes. We are happy to wait it out again. Practice is what makes you master a task, so rather than doing things for her we just try and let her be.

Parents often end up arguing even about small decisions like these. Do you both have differences when it comes to parenting decisions or are you mostly on the same page?

More often than not, we are on the same page for bigger things. We feel that the more she takes up responsibilities on her own and feels accountable for her own actions, the better it is. Fortunately, ninety percent of the time Aditi is in control of what she wants to do. That really helps…we don’t need to nag.

Moreover, even when we have a disagreement, we try to not argue in front of her. When the situation is a little agitated, or when there’s already something happening, we just try and ride it calmly. And, later we just sit together and discuss our different opinions. My parents live in the same city so sometimes I leave her with them if I have to travel for work. My husband always says that our daughter does not need to learn from just one person. We give everybody a little bit of freedom to explore and make her learn in the way they feel fit, rather than just having one structured way. So, it’s not that this thing is right, or that thing is wrong. We believe a child grows more when they have seen different people dealing with the same situation in different ways because they learn to find different solutions. So, if Cheteshwar is in charge, then he will do whatever he thinks is right at the moment and I try not to fret over it. Similarly, when I am in charge or if it is my parents or my father-in-law or my sister, whoever is with her has the liberty to make decisions. We don’t want to micromanage.

Have you set any ground rules for Aditi?

Not rules as such. But one thing is that Cheteshwar always encourages her to pray. From the time she was a little girl, we encouraged her to pray every day, even if it is just for 30 to 40 seconds, and be grateful. Second, we encourage her to indulge in some physical activity daily, whether it is playing catch, swimming or cycling.

Aditi’s statement that she would kiss all of her papa’s injuries to heal them — when Cheteshwar suffered 11 blows to his body during a match in Brisbane — had made headlines. Does she follow his matches closely?

She does not watch his matches often. We try to keep her schedule normal. When Cheteshwar travels, he is in different time zones. But when she wakes up, she definitely does pick up on some of the conversations going on at home because my father-in-law and I are following the match or watching some post-match presentation. She does not really care for the game as such. But if he is playing and she is free, then she does watch for a bit. She does not have sound knowledge of the game as such. We have not yet introduced her to cricket. If she displays an interest, we will explain to her how the game works.

It is known that your father-in-law was a strict coach to your husband and always wanted him to be focused on his goal. Is Cheteshwar’s parenting style similar to that of his dad?

The times have changed. When we were growing up, it was a different time, and our parents did their best as per their knowledge and capabilities. We try to do the same. It’s still a learning curve. As parents, we learn every day. Cheteshwar is a very relaxed dad. He’s more of an observer and tries to let the child take the lead. Of course, there will be guidance as and when necessary.

While some famous Indian cricketers are fiercely protective of their families and don’t reveal their children’s faces at all, others are pretty open to sharing their lives on social media. What’s your stand?

To each their own. One should do whatever works best for you, your child and gives you peace of mind at night before you sleep. I think you should just go with the flow of what you think is right. We’ve not really discussed this or taken any stand. We just do whatever happens organically.