The career woman's guide to ditching guilt

Singer Rihanna recently opened up about feeling mom guilt, saying, “Every decision I make revolves around them [her sons, RZA and Riot], but everything that I do that I love robs me from them. So, I have a weird resentment of the things that I love. You almost feel like something is always suffering for you to show up somewhere.”

‘Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda’

The Barbadian singer, who is pregnant with her third child, is not alone. Many working mothers have opened up about experiencing mom guilt — that pervasive feeling of not doing enough as a parent.

In a January interview, Nykaa founder Falguni Nayar recalled feeling guilty when she would “travel extensively day and night and come home to [daughter] Adwaita asking me to sign here and sign there”, referring to her child’s school work. “I used to keep telling myself, ‘How do I compete with a mother who is spending so much quality time with her kids?’” she recalled.

Being ziddhi (stubborn) about what you want to achieve is what helped Nayar get through those periods, she said.

Former model and beauty queen Queenie Singh, who now runs a clean skincare brand Beauty in Everything (BiE), agrees. “Guilt is a wasted emotion,” she said. “As women, we must stop apologising for the choices we make. Once you’ve set a path for yourself, the key is to stay focused and prioritise what truly matters. Guilt only takes away from the energy I could be giving my children, my work and myself.”

Know your priorities

For Schauna Chauhan, CEO, Parle Agro, the key isn’t in finding balance, but in letting some balls drop. “True balance isn’t about giving equal time to everything; it’s about being clear about what matters most in each moment. I make conscious choices based on my priorities at that time, even if it sometimes means compromising in one area to be fully present in another,” she said.

Shruti Aggarwal, co-founder of lendtech Stashfin, also has a way of changing the way she looks at a problem. “Instead of focusing on what I might be missing, or have not been contributing, I try to focus on what I’m instilling. I want the women I work with — many of whom are mothers themselves — to know that motherhood doesn’t have to come at the cost of their work or careers,” she said.

“The first three years of motherhood were among the most difficult of my life,” recalled Richa Singh, CFO, Pernod Ricard India. At the time, having just moved back to India, Singh was juggling a new city, a new job, unwell parents and seven-month-old twin children. “Life became a blur of tasks and deadlines. I was present, but not really there,” she shared.

Recognising that she was missing important moments, Singh decided to take a sabbatical when her boys were three years old. “I didn’t know if I’d ever return to my career. I simply chose my kids because at that age, there is no concept of ‘quality time’. Infants and toddlers [ just] need you and your time,” she added.

Don’t put yourself last

In all of this, finding time for yourself is also important. For Singh, me-time is doing things that recharge her spirits, such as listening to her favourite music while driving to work or having a chai and a foot massage. For Chauhan, it’s driving — alone, just her, the road and her thoughts. “It’s these Rihanna, who recently announced baby No.3, said motherhood has given her more self-guilt because she feels like something is always suffering little pauses that help me think and recharge,” she said.

Aggarwal, who has taken up boxing, said it took her a while to stop feeling guilty about making time for herself. “But now I know that it’s non-negotiable. I do it, so my daughter grows up seeing that it’s normal for women to make space for themselves — that being ambitious, present and fulfilled can co-exist at home and at work. Some days, work wins; some days, family does — and that’s okay.” .